Today I want to talk about disappointment. I recently applied to be part of a city wide arts festival. Now, this festival is a one night even and is supposed to represent the best the city has to offer. This is the second tme I have applied. As per the first sentence it is obvious that I was not chosen to be part of this grand scale event. And yes, I am disappointed.
I think the greatest part of this feeling is the opportunity missed. This event draws in over 300,000 people in one night. What an opportunity!!!! But alas, I will not be part of it. I find it necessary to make it clear that I hold no ill will to those that were chosen, they are all in it just like myself. However, I have been to the last 2 and...frankly, I wasn't very impressed. Not because I felt I was better, but it seemed to have reflected the entire feeling of this great city. The feeling that nothing has to be perfect or completed. It's the attitude of, It'll do. There were some things that I found should we say, cool. But even the best parts seemed a little rushed and not as impressive as the proposal must of seemed. I don't feel like I could have done better, I just feel that maybe the works that were chosen weren't necessarily the best of the best.
Having said that, I would like to make it clear, that I don't consider myself the best by a long shot. First of all, I am not a studied artist and what I say in this blog is my own personal opinion. Second, I am not aware of the guidelines they have to follow when it comes to choosing these artists. Going forward I can give you an idea of my own thoughts.
Now this event, which I am not going to name;this is not about pointing fingers or a stage to bitch, is held in a city known for food and drink. Being that is the case, the people that are attracted to this FREE event tend to be people looking for cold beer and turkey legs. Having art to look at is just a plus. When you have this type of audience at your disposal you have the ability to put something great out in front of the masses. Unfortunately, alot of what has been presented at this event fall short of greatness. In my own opinion.
Because of this opinion, I felt that maybe I could help step up the game. That was until for the 2nd time I was passed over. I'm not bitter, but it does make me question my own validity. I have always felt that my artistic talent was a God given gift and that if God planned me to have any type of life as an artist He would provide that path for me. I have worked for nearly 3 decades to establish a style and to make a name for myself and put my work out there, so I cannot say that it doesn't make me wonder when I am judged and denied. Am I the artist I thought I was? Am I fooling myself into thinking that I could one day be known for producing something great? It definetly makes me feel a little self-conscience about the fact that I have never studied art and I wonder sometimes if maybe that's my shortcoming. So where does that leave me? DISAPPOINTED!!!!
What is my next step? Do I stop and rethink my entire life or do I flip them the bone and keep going? Well, I don't know about you, but I am not the kind to lay down quietly. I have decided that I am going to take the same idea and shape it to fit a different event. You see, a well thought out piece of work can be molded to be relevant if you know what you are doing and you trust yourself. I have never been the kind to play well with others, I like to the lead the pack. LOL Yes, I shed a few tears when I found out that I had not been chosen, but I think that was mostly a sigh of relief just to know the answer. I have never been good at dealing with impending doom.
One of the things that I have learned in the almost 3 decades that I have been doing this, is that if you really believe in what you are doing then you should let nothing and no one stand in your way. If it you are denied in one place, then maybe that's God telling you, "That's not where I need you".
So, when you find yourself down and self-doubting...Dust yourself off and remember you are capable of adapting and moving forward. I try to look at closed doors as my clue to keep moving. Keep moving because my reception is at the end of the hall in the Grand Ballroom!!!!
Head high, breathe, move forward.
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