Today I want to talk about disappointment. I recently applied to be part of a city wide arts festival. Now, this festival is a one night even and is supposed to represent the best the city has to offer. This is the second tme I have applied. As per the first sentence it is obvious that I was not chosen to be part of this grand scale event. And yes, I am disappointed.
I think the greatest part of this feeling is the opportunity missed. This event draws in over 300,000 people in one night. What an opportunity!!!! But alas, I will not be part of it. I find it necessary to make it clear that I hold no ill will to those that were chosen, they are all in it just like myself. However, I have been to the last 2 and...frankly, I wasn't very impressed. Not because I felt I was better, but it seemed to have reflected the entire feeling of this great city. The feeling that nothing has to be perfect or completed. It's the attitude of, It'll do. There were some things that I found should we say, cool. But even the best parts seemed a little rushed and not as impressive as the proposal must of seemed. I don't feel like I could have done better, I just feel that maybe the works that were chosen weren't necessarily the best of the best.
Having said that, I would like to make it clear, that I don't consider myself the best by a long shot. First of all, I am not a studied artist and what I say in this blog is my own personal opinion. Second, I am not aware of the guidelines they have to follow when it comes to choosing these artists. Going forward I can give you an idea of my own thoughts.
Now this event, which I am not going to name;this is not about pointing fingers or a stage to bitch, is held in a city known for food and drink. Being that is the case, the people that are attracted to this FREE event tend to be people looking for cold beer and turkey legs. Having art to look at is just a plus. When you have this type of audience at your disposal you have the ability to put something great out in front of the masses. Unfortunately, alot of what has been presented at this event fall short of greatness. In my own opinion.
Because of this opinion, I felt that maybe I could help step up the game. That was until for the 2nd time I was passed over. I'm not bitter, but it does make me question my own validity. I have always felt that my artistic talent was a God given gift and that if God planned me to have any type of life as an artist He would provide that path for me. I have worked for nearly 3 decades to establish a style and to make a name for myself and put my work out there, so I cannot say that it doesn't make me wonder when I am judged and denied. Am I the artist I thought I was? Am I fooling myself into thinking that I could one day be known for producing something great? It definetly makes me feel a little self-conscience about the fact that I have never studied art and I wonder sometimes if maybe that's my shortcoming. So where does that leave me? DISAPPOINTED!!!!
What is my next step? Do I stop and rethink my entire life or do I flip them the bone and keep going? Well, I don't know about you, but I am not the kind to lay down quietly. I have decided that I am going to take the same idea and shape it to fit a different event. You see, a well thought out piece of work can be molded to be relevant if you know what you are doing and you trust yourself. I have never been the kind to play well with others, I like to the lead the pack. LOL Yes, I shed a few tears when I found out that I had not been chosen, but I think that was mostly a sigh of relief just to know the answer. I have never been good at dealing with impending doom.
One of the things that I have learned in the almost 3 decades that I have been doing this, is that if you really believe in what you are doing then you should let nothing and no one stand in your way. If it you are denied in one place, then maybe that's God telling you, "That's not where I need you".
So, when you find yourself down and self-doubting...Dust yourself off and remember you are capable of adapting and moving forward. I try to look at closed doors as my clue to keep moving. Keep moving because my reception is at the end of the hall in the Grand Ballroom!!!!
Head high, breathe, move forward.
Flavio Benavidez, Jr is a native Texas artist who has been producing his work for nearly 30 yrs now. He is well known for his autographed depictions of celebrities: Ann Richards, Eartha Kitt, Terrance Trent D'Arby, The Del Rubio Triplets, Troy Aikman, Taylor Dayne, Bette Midler, and Manu Ginobili.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Artist seeking...
I know it's been a while since I last sat down to offer any kind of update, so here we go.
I have been thinking about my art and what it means to me and what I wanted out of it. After spending some time thinking back to when it all began and what it meant to me then I realized a few things.
I can remember asking God to make me an artist, to make it my passion as well as my obsession. I asked him to allow me to do my work and share it with the world. This was some 25 odd years ago, but I remember the conversation clearly. Now, as I was walking along the other day taking in the beauty of the light filtering through the trees and the birds singing in the wind, I realized something. It hit me like a ton of bricks, it was such a mind blowing realization that I could of fallen over. I had become exactly what I had asked God to make me. I am an artist and I am passionate about it and I do tend to concentrate almost every waking moment to the ideas and the possibilities of my art. I have been granted what I had asked for.
The question I have is now that I am what I have asked to be, what is the return I am to offer in exchange? I donate artwork on a regular basis helping the communities around me and offering any assistance I may be able to give. But is it enough? Do I now have responsibilities that I am now aware of? Should I have a profound message that I am trying to get across to the masses? I'm not sure.
As opportunities come up I try not to pass any of them up, not knowing when the right one at the right time will lead me to my ultimate destiny. Of course, that means I spend a lot of energy on stressing deadlines and commitments I put on myself. But, I wouldn't change for anything. I only pray that I am making the choices that will lead me to happiness.
I guess only time will tell......So, until next time, hold your head up high and take a look at your life and find out if you are where you want to be. All it takes is a step in the right direction.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Artist seeking......
Happy New Year!!!!
As this new year begins I thought I might take a little time to re-evaluate what it is that I want from it. I know that I want to expand the audience that my art reaches, that is a given, but who are the people I want to reach and what do i want it to say to them?
You know, when I started my art career some 25 years ago, I had a dream. I had a dream that I would be the next Andy Warhol or Keith Haring or by looking at my work the next Nagel. Yet, as I grow older I find myself wanting to be more... me. I have this yearning to explode-not in a negative way but I feel that I am full of emotion and ideas and it seems as if it wells up like some geyser being powered by the building steam working it's way to the surface until it spews forth covering everything with the mist of something that had been hiding so far deep below the surface.
I used to think that my rights as a gay man were my cause, that I had to prove to myself and to the world that I was worthy. Worthy of life and the freedom to love and share my life with the person I was attracted to. I have always taken comfort in the accepting arms of my GLBT community and they have never let me down. I have used my art to take a stand against oppression, to raise awareness, to feed the hungry, shelter the homeless, and fight diseases. I have had celebrities, authors, governors and sports stars and singers autograph the portraits I have done of them. I have had audiences with people that I would have never dreamed in a million years would have any reason to speak to me and when I see them in the media I am in awe of the experience, but I still feel like I haven't accomplished much. I still feel like I have something to say. Something bigger and much more important.
I have done pieces that have to do with religion and it's not that. I know where my faith lies, I am looking for something else. I have a well of feelings and experiences that are bubbling below the surface just waiting for a crack to give it the opportunity to find it's way. I would like to think that the military mural is the beginning of that but I am just not sure.
I guess I will have to keep my eyes and heart open and leave myself available to the opportunities that lay ahead.
Until next time......Make this year the year YOU did something about it.
As this new year begins I thought I might take a little time to re-evaluate what it is that I want from it. I know that I want to expand the audience that my art reaches, that is a given, but who are the people I want to reach and what do i want it to say to them?
You know, when I started my art career some 25 years ago, I had a dream. I had a dream that I would be the next Andy Warhol or Keith Haring or by looking at my work the next Nagel. Yet, as I grow older I find myself wanting to be more... me. I have this yearning to explode-not in a negative way but I feel that I am full of emotion and ideas and it seems as if it wells up like some geyser being powered by the building steam working it's way to the surface until it spews forth covering everything with the mist of something that had been hiding so far deep below the surface.
I used to think that my rights as a gay man were my cause, that I had to prove to myself and to the world that I was worthy. Worthy of life and the freedom to love and share my life with the person I was attracted to. I have always taken comfort in the accepting arms of my GLBT community and they have never let me down. I have used my art to take a stand against oppression, to raise awareness, to feed the hungry, shelter the homeless, and fight diseases. I have had celebrities, authors, governors and sports stars and singers autograph the portraits I have done of them. I have had audiences with people that I would have never dreamed in a million years would have any reason to speak to me and when I see them in the media I am in awe of the experience, but I still feel like I haven't accomplished much. I still feel like I have something to say. Something bigger and much more important.
I have done pieces that have to do with religion and it's not that. I know where my faith lies, I am looking for something else. I have a well of feelings and experiences that are bubbling below the surface just waiting for a crack to give it the opportunity to find it's way. I would like to think that the military mural is the beginning of that but I am just not sure.
I guess I will have to keep my eyes and heart open and leave myself available to the opportunities that lay ahead.
Until next time......Make this year the year YOU did something about it.
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