Artist Seeking...

Today I want to talk about disappointment.  I recently applied to be part of a city wide arts festival.  Now, this festival is a one night even and is supposed to represent the best the city has to offer.  This is the second tme I have applied.  As per the first sentence it is obvious that I was not chosen to be part of this grand scale event.  And yes, I am disappointed. 
I think the greatest part of this feeling is the opportunity missed.  This event draws in over 300,000 people in one night. What an opportunity!!!!  But alas, I will not be part of it.  I find it necessary to make it clear that I hold no ill will to those that were chosen, they are all in it just like myself.  However, I have been to the last 2 and...frankly, I wasn't very impressed.  Not because I felt I was better, but it seemed to have reflected the entire feeling of this great city.  The feeling that nothing has to be perfect or completed.  It's the attitude of, It'll do.  There were some things that I found should we say, cool. But even the best parts seemed a little rushed and not as impressive as the proposal must of seemed.  I don't feel like I could have done better, I just feel that maybe the works that were chosen weren't necessarily the best of the best. 
Having said that, I would like to make it clear, that I don't consider myself the best by a long shot.  First of all, I am not a studied artist and what I say in this blog is my own personal opinion.  Second, I am not aware of the guidelines they have to follow when it comes to choosing these artists.  Going forward I can give you an idea of my own thoughts. 
Now this event, which I am not going to name;this is not about pointing fingers or a stage to bitch, is held in a city known for food and drink. Being that is the case, the people that are attracted to this FREE event tend to be people looking for cold beer and turkey legs.  Having art to look at is just a plus.  When you have this type of audience at your disposal you have the ability to put something great out in front of the masses.  Unfortunately, alot of what has been presented at this event fall short of greatness.  In my own opinion. 
Because of this opinion, I felt that maybe I could help step up the game.  That was until for the 2nd time I was passed over.  I'm not bitter, but it does make me question my own validity.  I have always felt that my artistic talent was a God given gift and that if God planned me to have any type of life as an artist He would provide that path for me.  I have worked for nearly 3 decades to establish a style and to make a name for myself and put my work out there, so I cannot say that it doesn't make me wonder when I am judged and denied.  Am I the artist I thought I was?  Am I fooling myself into thinking that I could one day be known for producing something great?  It definetly makes me feel a little self-conscience about the fact that I have never studied art and I wonder sometimes if maybe that's my shortcoming. So where does that leave me? DISAPPOINTED!!!! 
What is my next step?  Do I stop and rethink my entire life or do I flip them the bone and keep going?  Well, I don't know about you, but I am not the kind to lay down quietly.  I have decided that I am going to take the same idea and shape it to fit a different event.  You see, a well thought out piece of work can be molded to be relevant if you know what you are doing and you trust yourself.  I have never been the kind to play well with others, I like to the lead the pack.  LOL Yes, I shed a few tears when I found out that I had not been chosen, but I think that was mostly a sigh of relief just to know the answer.  I have never been good at dealing with impending doom.
One of the things that I have learned in the almost 3 decades that I have been doing this, is that if you really believe in what you are doing then you should let nothing and no one stand in your way.  If it you are denied in one place, then maybe that's God telling you, "That's not where I need you".
So, when you find yourself down and self-doubting...Dust yourself off and remember you are capable of adapting and moving forward.  I try to look at closed doors as my clue to keep moving.  Keep moving because my reception is at the end of the hall in the Grand Ballroom!!!!
Head high, breathe, move forward.

Artist seeking...

I know it's been a while since I last sat down to offer any kind of update, so here we go.

I have been thinking about my art and what it means to me and what I wanted out of it. After spending some time thinking back to when it all began and what it meant to me then I realized a few things. 

I can remember asking God to make me an artist, to make it my passion as well as my obsession.  I asked him to allow me to do my work and share it with the world.  This was some 25 odd years ago, but I remember the conversation clearly.  Now, as I was walking along the other day taking in the beauty of the light filtering through the trees and the birds singing in the wind, I realized something.  It hit me like a ton of bricks, it was such a mind blowing realization that I could of fallen over.  I had become exactly what I had asked God to make me.  I am an artist and I am passionate about it and I do tend to concentrate almost every waking moment to the ideas and the possibilities of my art.  I have been granted what I had asked for.

The question I have is now that I am what I have asked to be, what is the return I am to offer in exchange?  I donate artwork on a regular basis helping the communities around me and offering any assistance I may be able to give.  But is it enough?  Do I now have responsibilities that I am now aware of?  Should I have a profound message that I am trying to get across to the masses?  I'm not sure.

As opportunities come up I try not to pass any of them up, not knowing when the right one at the right time will lead me to my ultimate destiny.  Of course, that means I spend a lot of energy on stressing deadlines and commitments I put on myself.  But, I wouldn't change for anything.  I only pray that I am making the choices that will lead me to happiness.

I guess only time will tell......So, until next time, hold your head up high and take a look at your life and find out if you are where you want to be. All it takes is a step in the right direction. 

Artist seeking......

Happy New Year!!!!
As this new year begins I thought I might take a little time to re-evaluate what it is that I want from it.  I know that I want to expand the audience that my art reaches, that is a given, but who are the people I want to reach and what do i want it to say to them? 
You know, when I started my art career some 25 years ago, I had a dream.  I had a dream that I would be the next Andy Warhol or Keith Haring or by looking at my work the next Nagel.  Yet, as I grow older I find myself wanting to be more... me. I have this yearning to explode-not in a negative way but I feel that I am full of emotion and ideas and it seems as if it wells up like some geyser being powered by the building steam working it's way to the surface until it spews forth covering everything with the mist of something that had been hiding so far deep below the surface. 
I used to think that my rights as a gay man were my cause, that I had to prove to myself and to the world that I was worthy. Worthy of life and the freedom to love and share my life with the person I was attracted to. I have always taken comfort in the accepting arms of my GLBT community and they have never let me down.  I have used my art to take a stand against oppression, to raise awareness, to feed the hungry, shelter the homeless, and fight diseases.  I have had celebrities, authors, governors and sports stars and singers autograph the portraits I have done of them.  I have had audiences with people that I would have never dreamed in a million years would have any reason to speak to me and when I see them in the media I am in awe of the experience, but I still feel like I haven't accomplished much.  I still feel like I have something to say.  Something bigger and much more important.
I have done pieces that have to do with religion and it's not that.  I know where my faith lies, I am looking for something else.  I have a well of feelings and experiences that are bubbling below the surface just waiting for a crack to give it the opportunity to find it's way.  I would like to think that the military mural is the beginning of that but I am just not sure. 
I guess I will have to keep my eyes and heart open and leave myself available to the opportunities that lay ahead. 
Until next time......Make this year the year YOU did something about it.

What is the message?

I have been spending a great deal of time trying to decide what exactly the message is that I am trying to convey through this project.  What I have concluded is that there is a lot to consider before I can make a final decision. 

I thought that maybe some random depictions of soldiers on the front would be powerful enough to stir emotions, but I am starting to second guess that thought.

Being located here in San Antonio there are many different groups of military divisions to choose from.  Not only are there several military bases here but there are also many hospitals.  After watching Dancing With The Stars and finding myself jumping up and down with joy when JR was able to cinch the Mirror Ball Trophy not only winning the competition but triumphing over what the war left him as a reminder.  I can say that I felt true American pride when I watched this young, beautiful man not only get up and keep going but taking his place in front of the people for which he so valiantly fought to protect.  Through his success not only as a celebrity dancer, but as an actor as well, he has proven that there are no hurtles he can clear. 

Because of people like JR Martinez I feel that maybe I should concentrate more on those that have overcome more than just going into the armed forces but for those who have survived the armed forces.  I think I am going to have to seriously devote some time to soul searching.   I have a feeling there is a bigger message in what started as a simple memorial. 

This will probably be the last entry before the holidays.....So, Have a Wonder Holiday Season and a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.  Stay safe and remember it is time to forgive and move forward.  Let the light of the season shine through you.

Is anyone out there?

Okay, it's been about a week and I have been posting and twittering and uploading to no end.  I'm not sure how long it takes to see any results, but I am definitely working on it.  It takes a lot of time to keep up with it all. Let's just hope it is all worth it. 

Now, I had mentioned earlier that I was working on a mural to pay tribule to our service men and women.  I have posted on several times that I am looking for photos of my friend's brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers, whatever, that have served.  Alas, I have only received a few.  I guess I am going to have to go looking for them. 

It has just dawned on me that we are in the middle of the holiday season and the year is almost up.  Wow, now I am faced with not only the projects I am working on, but it is time to apply for Luminaria 2012.  How quick time flies it was like just yesterday that we went to the last one. 

Now this year, I went to the meeting and even though it was informative on how to apply for the event it wasn't very clear on what their overall vision was.  The theme is light. WOW. That really tells me alot. I shall not dispair.  I have a couple of ideas that I plan to submit.  Yes, for those of you who know me personally, I remember saying last year that I wouldn 't bother trying again.  But how could I not?  It's in my blood to keep trying until I succeed.  So we're going to give it another go around. 

I just delivered a piece of artwork to be offered in a silent auction for a benefit to raise money for a local food pantry and half-way house.  It is definitely the right time of year to help out.  Yes, I want to be well known for my art and I would love to be able to say that I am financially set.  Yet, when it comes to donating my work it brings me a sense of pride and joy when I see it helping someone outl Especially when I couldn't offer help in any other way.  It gives me a feeling of having done something right.  I guess in a way that is what art is all about.  It's something that offers you an avenue to feel something. 

Now I have a couple of other pieces that have been privately commissioned and then another piece to be donated for a "Love's Day Dance" for Valentines Day.  The Luminaria application has to be in by the first week of December.  Guess I am going to be rather busy. Which is great.

Which is great.........(here comes the but)  but, that does mean that I am going to have less time to do all this social networking.  Having said that...I AM LOOKIG FOR PHOTOS OF SERVICE MEN AND WOMEN FOR A TRIBUTE MURAL!!!  If you need to know what type of work I do please like my page on Facebook at: http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Visions-by-Flavio/221367156754. 

IS ANYBODY OUT THERE?

And so it begins.

Okay, so as the old saying goes: "if you can't beat 'em join 'em.".   
As times have changed and the world looks to the internet for almost everything, I guess I should take the hint.  So here is my journey into figuring it all out. 

My name is Flavio Benavidez, Jr.  I am a 45 yr old artist.  Now, the reason for this blog is probably more selfish than anything else.  I was told that in order to increase my business that I had to turn to the internet.  So, here I am.  I have been doing my artwork now for going on 30 years, but until recently I guess I considered it an extreme hobby.  I have always said that I would not be a starving artist because I worked for a living, and boy, have I worked. 

I spent almost 25 years working in the restaurant and bar industry.  I loved it.  I loved it because it afforded me the ability to make a lot of money and have a flexible schedule.  It allowed me the time to do my artwork.  Let's be honest, it allowed me alot of time and money to party. And party I did!  I did do alot of artwork, but my priorities were skewed.  Today I find myself a middle aged man who is tired of just working. Tired of doing a job that I don't particularly care for.  I like the people I work with but the idea of going to work sometimes makes me feel like there should be something more.  I should want to jump up and be glad to be able to go do the job that I have to do.  Not just go to the "old grind".  Don't get me wrong, I do a great amount of artwork, but I always wanted to be able to have a career that I truly enjoyed.
As I get older I am finding that I am wanting more and more to just do my work.  My artwork.  Thus, I am here writing this blog. 

Now, assuming someone is actually reading this and taking the time to sneak a peek into my mind, I want to warn you; I have no idea what I am doing.
 
Let's begin with the reason I am here.  I am starting this blog not only to increase my internet presence, but to hopefully torque my thought processing. I tend to have many ideas, but once faced with the question of how to get them done, alot of them fall to the wayside. Hopefully, today I can begin the journey of bringing my dreams to fruition.

Okay, I am currently online through webites who either offer artwork or articles about me and my artwork. I have been featured on the local news KENS5: Affair of the Art. I donate artwork on a regular basis to local charities and have had many of my pieces autograhed by the celebrities which they depict.  Like who?  Well..Ann Richards, Eartha Kitt, Terrance Trent D'Arby, The Del Rubio Triplets, Bette Midler, Taylor Dayne, Troy Aikman, KD Lang and Manu Ginobili.

By the list of celebrities you should know by now that I specialize in people.  I do mostly black and white, but have begun to include some color.  I originally started doing pen and ink renderings, but have now evolved into precision cut paper.  So much more of a crisp line.  You can see it at
www.fabulousfabian.com/visionsbyflavio, or on facebook under Visions by Flavio.  Drop by and take a look.
  
I am currently working on putting together a mural to honor our veterans who have so bravely gone before us to protect us and our way of life.  We, and I am sure that I can speak for a vast majority when it comes to this, are truly grateful. That is why it is important for me to make sure that I don't just let this idea go.
I want it to be big, thought provoking, heart tugging and emotional.  And when I say big I mean, I want it to be something you HAVE to stop and take a look at.  I have had an idea to produce something that would get people's attention and would give me the opportunity to say something as well. I think this could possibly grant me my wish.  

So, since I already know what I am wanting the finished mural/installation to look like, I first need to gather up subject matter.  I know what I want.  I want photos, since it is easier to work from photos,  of our service men and women at home and in action.  Now my first idea was to go to the inernet.  LOL.  Ironic, right?  Then, being that I live in one of the most military concentrated cities in the US, I figured I would start here.  In San Antonio, TX. But how?

I have already posted on facebook and twitter, don't even get me started on tiwtter, but not much response.  So where do I begin?  How do you approach organizations about an idea when you're not a reknown person of interest, yet.  Notice, I said, YET. Who would I talk to?  Who would be interested?  I would think there has to be an honest and humble approach that would be received with interest and excitement.   After all almost every family is somehow connected or affected by the deployment of our troops.  I would think that particularly here in San Antonio I would be able to find a great interest.  Let's hope that my assumptions are correct.
 
In the following weeks I plan to put into action my ideas of producing this memorial piece of work.  I hope that I can not only provide info on how something of this size can be accomplished, but find an inner security that will help me with sculpting my furture and the future of my work.